i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Two words: nipple clamps
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