How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
