4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
