he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
