Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
