best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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