i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
