Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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