i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
