I hate all girls vehemently.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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