the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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