it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
