i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
