I met the friendliest cop last night
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
