I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
