Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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