its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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