theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
