it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
