Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize