hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
