I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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