those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
