Betty ford says i'm here all night
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
