But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
