You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
