I just pynch a tree in the face
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
