Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
