wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
