My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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