Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize