I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
