I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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