I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
