we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize