I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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