First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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