Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
