My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
