I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
