Having a random hookup so left but love u
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
