I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
