You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
