Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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