she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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