I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i dont even know how to be here
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
