k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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