A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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