ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i think my cat just said my name.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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