Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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