drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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