Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
