You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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