So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
