I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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