youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
