'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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