I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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