The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You made out with two different species that night
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
