idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
