So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
