I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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