the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
