He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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