I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
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