Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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