Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the day after is always just damage control
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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