FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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