I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
