Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
