yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
