how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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