I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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