This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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